Lupin March Madness: A Woman Called Fujiko Mine and Lupin the Third the First

Let's tackle a tough pill to swallow and wash it down with a tall glass of Hot Jigen.

Well. It's time for A Woman Called Fujiko Mine. I wish you knew how apprehensive I was even typing those words! I wanted so badly to enjoy this. I truly did. I wish I could say I was even okay with it! I had been looking forward to seeing this series for years, decades even, ever since I found out a standalone Fujiko series existed, and it was something that every so often I would periodically google just to see if it was finally streaming somewhere for free. I was absolutely elated when I found recently that it was on PlutoTV, Crunchyroll, Crackle and Plex. Wow! It's everywhere! For being something that was so rare to come by not that long ago, it really is just out here now! I wasted no time in queueing it up and well… I don't know that I'm glad I did.

The art style is so beautiful but I don't know if I can in good conscience recommend this series. Fujiko is an often mistreated character and when I discovered that A Woman Called Fujiko Mine existed, I was thirsty for it. Beautiful art and the idea that she might be finally given the treatment she so desperately needs? I wanted it. But from the opening credits, it is clear the series is just another excuse to feature more of the same. The strings swell over images of Fujiko running nude, close ups of her giant jugs, comically large, defying gravity no matter what position her naked body is in. When we meet her, she's already a master thief, seducing laughably ugly and often decrepit men. The series finds Lupin, Jigen, Goemon, Zenigata and Zenigata's femboy assistant all falling in love, lust, or obsession with her. The latter of those men calls her a "spittoon for the lust of men" multiple times while Fujiko just blankly stares with big flirtatious doll eyes. Miyazaki's Fujiko who kicked the asses of the men who oggled her or spoke down to her is dead. Taking her place is Fujiko Mine, a disgrace who is assaulted and assaults in equal measure with no reflection. One episode finds her posing as a teacher and coercing her female students into "kissing lessons".

I was very close to not finishing the series a number of times - Once after the first utterance of the phrase "You're nothing but a spittoon" and again after Fujiko gets tied to a bed and assaulted, something I am sure Monkey Punch loved seeing as it calls to mind many scenes from the original manga. So many people love A Woman Called Fujiko Mine though. I thought perhaps the last four episodes would redeem it. So I preserved and revisited. I can't say that the ending totally changed my mind but I did like it quite a bit. Initially, the end boils down to Fujiko asserting that she is who she is. She does what she does because she enjoys it. She steals and lies and has casual sex not because she's some bruised flower but because it's fun for her. And you know what? As a reformed bad girl, I have nothing but respect for that. Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss, Fujiko. But the rest of the series still didn't sit right with me, namely Goemon's obsession with making Fujiko his girlfriend, Zenigata and Fujiko having wild sex while she's in his custody, and the femboy's portrayal as a psychosexual freak who needed to become Fujiko so he could fuck his boss, Zenigata. It did leave me wondering if the creator was using Fujiko as a self insert for herself. We've all read plenty of Lupin the Third fanfic (haven't we?) where the reader writes themself in as a Girl of The Week only for all of the characters to fall for them without reason. Most Lupin the Third is greatly at the mercy of the director and that often leads to a character becoming a self insert. In Miyazaki's Lupin, Zenigata was given such love and care that it is often speculated he was a stand in for Miyazaki himself, frustrated at the antics unfolding around him and trying to make sense of the franchise he had inherited just as Zenigata was trying to bring order to the rogue Gentleman Thief and his companions. So it's not out of the realm of thinking that the director of Fujiko Mine seized the opportunity to live out some fanfic fantasy. I know we all have our own headcanon for Lupin self inserts, be they using one of the main characters as a skin suit to live out adventure fantasies or writing ourselves as a Girl of the Week who one of the gang falls in love with. I mean, it's a common thought we all have. I haven't written anything like that about myself. But if I had, it would be a normal thing.

Anyhow. The same artist that did A Woman Called Fujiko Mine did a trilogy of Lupin movies and they do not have the same director. Like I said, great art. It's equal parts sketchy and dark, impressionistic and modern, each centering on one of the supporting cast, Zenigata sadly excluded. There's Goemon's Bloodspray, Jigen's Gravestone, and Fujiko Mine's Lie. I have been apprehensive about Jigen's Gravestone due to knowing about a Fujiko assault scene that lies within and I have just witnessed so many Fujiko assault scenes. I don't know how much more I can take. Despite my adoration for Jigen, I have had to backburner this one for the time being. I have seen the art for Fujiko's Lie and it looks beautiful. But given that none of these are available for free and are $5 for 50 minutes, I ended up deciding that when I do eventually part with a few bucks for more Lupin material, we'll be checking out the one of the three that is across the board most recommended: Goemon's Bloodspray.

A gem amongst the canon and wonderful palate cleanser for when Lupin veers to closely back to his original manga self is Lupin the Third the First. I was well into Lupin by the time this was announced and like everyone was a little taken aback when I heard it was going to be CGI. Burned by the sight of Earwig and the Witch, I was filled with more than little trepidation to think of what could become of the boys in CG. All of my fears melted away when the trailer came out. In fact, they were replaced with heart eyes motherfucker. Never had the Lupin cast looked this good. Never had the Lupin cast looked this… Hot? Just look at the letterboxd reviews and you'll see I'm not the only one tragically down bad for Jigen. We all want a little more of the hot hat man in our life and thankfully, with the movie streaming on Hulu, we can have just that. Believe me, Lupin the Third the First gets played often in my household. 

The story is Classic Lupin. It isn't breaking any new ground but it pays a lot of homage to the past which I think is appropriate given this is Lupin's first outing since the death of his creator, Monkey Punch, and it's the first Lupin property in an entirely new medium. Once more, the ol' "historical figure" trope shows up in a fun and funny way. The original "rapist Lupin" gets a passing joke homage which isn't too uncomfortable. The Girl of the Week, Laetitia, is a lot like Clarice but more useful and capable and does go on her own little journey. Not everyone is given a lot to do but what are they given, they shine at. Goemon (also hot) provides an imposing, towering presence, which is all stripped away comically when it's shown just how much his sword is his wife. Fujiko is not degraded but shown as a competent woman - And shout-out to the opening credits that make her look like a complete angel. She's even given chimes in the theme to signify her expensive and charming presence to boot. Zenigata is a gem. And you know what? He's hot too! Yeah, I'll say it. They all look great! Zenigata is at his best when he and Lupin have to team up and this is their best team up in decades. Of course, the stand out is Hot Jigen. His scenes may be few but he truly has made me into a complete simp, furiously googling every time there's an announcement of a new Lupin project to see if Jigen will be hot in it or not. Hot Jigen's crooked smile lives in my head rent free. I'll see you in my dreams, cartoon man. 

Miyazaki's most recognizable Lupin contribution, the yellow Fiat is here, beautifully rendered, and the chase scenes look phenomenal. It's impossible not to smile the first time that lil thing zooms into frame. Car chases are what Lupin does best and here they are in top form. Sadly, this came out right at the start of Covid so I was robbed the opportunity of seeing this beautiful film on the big screen but when it finally came available to rent, I was grinning from the opening credits to the ending. This is a true crowd pleaser and honestly, my favorite of the new Lupin canon. Just great stuff.

One more Hot Jigen for the road.

Next week, we're wrapping it up, guys! We did it! We're gonna look at the OVAs and go over what to watch and maybe the legacy, who knows, but we survived! The end is in sight! In the immortal words of Misato, Rei, Asuka and Kaji - Congratulations! As for Eva… We'll get there one day. Maybe another theme month is in order for that. But I'm gonna be honest: I am not mentally strong enough at this present time to watch those Rebuilds. Good for you if you can handle them! I cannot!